One of the biggest mistakes we people make is living in the future.
But “future” never happens. Because we will always be happy, relaxed, enjoying “in the future”. From the current perspective, 5 years from now is the future. But on this day 5 years from now we’ll still have the thought “I will be happy in the future”.
Our thinking won’t change even if our outside situation will. If we think making money or owning a house will make us happy, we will just find some other object that we don’t have to continue the pursuit of something and not be happy in the present moment.
If we don’t work on changing our emotional and behavioural patterns, our future will be exactly the same as our present.
Regardless of what we achieved.
What we feel today we will feel in the future even if the outside situation changes. Maybe life experiences will cause a change in our thinking and our outside world will change. But that’s far from certain if we don’t make it happen. If we want to be sure our tomorrow will be better than today we have to start changing proactively today.
Changing today by doing something we have never done before that will take us toward our goal. Creating a new possibility for ourselves who we want to be.
Being honest with ourselves, what do we want? How do we want to live and who do we want to be?
We have to start doing something we haven’t been doing now. Because doing everything the same will get us the same results.
Something different! Saying “I love you” and show appreciation to your partner if this is what you wanted to say but just couldn’t, go for a run, meditate or take 30 minutes to study the subject we never seem to have the time or energy for so that you start changing yourself physically and emotionally.
These kinds of actions will get us forward. They will bring us to new challenges and consequently new ways of doing and being.
And what’s funny is that this goes the other way as well. New us can handle different challenges and problems. Currently, maybe even trivial problems seem like major hurdles for us. For example, driving a car to a new country, booking a flight or accommodation on your own etc…
How could we then run a business, take more important, responsible and higher-paying jobs, organize an event, handle problems that need our attention etc..if we find driving or booking a hotel too big of a risk to our ego already?
You hear people saying “I couldn’t possibly do that!”?
How do you know that? Have you really tried? What is stopping you? What is your ego telling you? Whose words and beliefs are actually stopping you? Dig into those questions and you will most likely discover that six or seven-year-old you had some bad experiences you are projecting in the future.
You are not a helpless child anymore. And you can do almost anything you set your mind to. This is the truth as it was proven again and again by people just like you, that it is possible to change. Even I consider myself proof change can happen and that certain things that were impossible for me in the past are now possible. I deconstructed many of the beliefs that I took from my parents that were simply not true. Around money, work, happiness, people, religion, and other life areas.
Your emotional baggage is saying you can’t do it. It’s not true. Can you make a couple of clicks? Can you make the call? Can you drive a car? Yes, you can. You are just uncomfortable. But you can get past it if you want to. You just have to want to make a change. Your desire to change has to become greater than the desire to remain the same.
So my suggestion is this: Do something that scares you.
Go through that fear, that emotions that are holding you back. If you do that long enough it is impossible not to get results. Life works! Life makes sense. It is giving you exactly what you are capable of handling. Nothing more, nothing less.
Me sharing this words with you, opening up on the internet, talking about how I am feeling, talking about my family, talking about how I am seeing a therapist and other coaches and mentors to improve my mental well-being, making videos and putting myself in a position to be seen, judged or criticized is an example of such actions. But it goes in line with my mission to empower others to make improvements in their own lives as well. And If I want to do that, I need to share my own. This desire is stronger. To have a positive impact on the lives of other people rather than being comfortable in my own bubble where everything is known.
At this moment your past is still directing your future. Your upbringing and your experiences as a small child, teenager and young adult are in control. The emotion and limitations from that time.
By changing yourself bit by bit, day by day you start being a different person that can do more and different things. All of a sudden you can drive your car anywhere, you are regularly going on vacation by plane with your family booking accommodation in the most amazing places in the world. You are asking your boss for a raise because you feel you deserve it. You are saying no to people when you want to. And say yes when you want to.
You are being authentic and true to yourself.
When you can admit to yourself and accept what you want (even if this means very big decisions), you will be on your way to freedom. Even if it feels like everything is even more constricting when you are actually considering it. That’s a normal part of the process.
For me, this happened when I felt the relationship with my girlfriend at the time wasn’t working for me anymore. I needed more freedom to find myself. It felt like this was something I had to do. I was being true and authentic to myself. I did what I felt was the right thing to do for me. And if it’s the best thing for me it’s also the best thing for everybody else.
If it’s the best for me, it’s also the best for everyone else.
Yes, I really wrote this and bolded it as well.
We are not helping anyone by not being truthful about our true feelings because we don’t want to hurt anyone. Wouldn’t you agree that the other person deserves someone who is completely present and able to give everything to the relationship? And not some half-hearted attempt at staying together because you can’t go through the tough process of separation. Even if you think your cause is noble – not hurting the other person. Is that perhaps just an excuse? I guess only you can answer this.
Or another example, your sister asks you to babysit tonight because she has to go somewhere. But you had a plan of finally having the first evening for yourself in the month. You really don’t want to babysit today. But you say yes. You resent your sister for not seeing your situation, and how tired you are and she still asks you to do it. The resentment and anger are building up until one day it will burst and make more damage to the relationship than if you were true to the other person (and yourself) from the start. And each and every one of these situations will also be intense and full of negative emotions every single time.
Start breaking your habitual patterns today by looking your fear in the eyes. Be brave and bold by accepting your truth. What is true for you? What do you want? Do you want to change something or will you continue your life living with regrets?
I hope you will put yourself out there. I am here for you if you need help.
Looking forward!
Lan
