You first have to have a healthy relationship with yourself in order to have a healthy relationship with others.

Like Ekhart Tolle writes in his book “The New Earth.” First, you have an ego problem (delusions of your mind, beliefs, expectations etc.). You think a relationship with somebody else will solve it, then you will be happy and complete, so you top your unhappiness problem and now you also get a relationship problem. Then you think children will solve everything but you end up adding a new layer of problems, family. And so the cycle continues because you haven’t solved the underlying problem, the stem of everything. Your fear-based ego. Your pain body. Your relationship with yourself.

And then you are always stuck with the surface problems unable and unwilling to go deeper.

I experienced something similar. I was in a relationship with a great person but I was in a bad relationship with myself. My mind and my ego were guiding me

In an amazing book “The four agreements”, the author Ruiz writes that you allow others to treat you the same as you treat yourself. If others treat you worse than you treat yourself, you will leave that relationship. But if they treat you just a bit better than you treat yourself, even if they abuse you emotionally or even physically, you will stay in the relationship because you feel you are not worthy of something better.

So the point is to love yourself more, then others can love you more and you can love others more. your relationship with others can’t be much different than your relationship with yourself.

And at the time I didn’t love myself. I was berating myself and I despised myself for not being able to be a success, to be worthy, to be someone. To have enough money to live the life I want to live.

At that time I felt the relationship I was in was holding me back. I put myself under the pressure of trying to be a success quickly so that I could enjoy some freedom before the time came for starting a family and having an “ordinary” life. The goals and values between us at the time were not aligned. And I could accept a so-so relationship, and settle for less than what life has to offer. I saw many of those already in my life.

So after the relationship ended I felt the rush of freedom. It was hard, but I knew it was the right decision. I was being authentic, I chose what I felt was the right decision. I was true to myself and my partner. I did the difficult step which gave me the freedom to start exploring where it really mattered. Not marketing and business but me, my life, and the relationship I had with myself. Not sure why this couldn’t go hand in hand but that is the way it was. I guess I felt I needed to be free on the outside until I could free my internal self. I felt it’s a step I needed to take and I felt liberated and empowered because I had the courage to do it. I was free to be, free to grow.

Then I googled the words “how to be happy” and picked up a book called “Health is in us” by Boris Vene (I was afraid for my health back then from all the digestive issues and Insomnia. I do recommend the book, it’s only in Slovene I think though).

The rest is history.

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